Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Bollywood Bigg Boss-Who will win Bigg Boss in Bollywood?

Imagine what would happen if the top 12 Bollywood celebrities were locked in the Bigg Boss house? The already decked up house would have lots of excesses-drama, ego-clashes, action, comedy, wild moments (whatever you can think of!). Here is a hypothetical situation of what could happen with Bollywood actors in Bigg Boss.

1. Salman khan in Bigg Boss

Salman Khan is anchoring Bigg Boss but he will surely be a treat to watch as an inmate of the house. He will be mostly in the garden-gym area, doing cardio, lifting weights and the works. He will strut in and out of the room shirtless, impressing the woman, walking and talking with a care-a-damn attitude. Occasionally at dinner, he will pull the legs of other Bigg Boss contestants, get sarcastic and laugh in his typical goofy manner.

Of course, Salman and his constant breaking of rules will put him in the jail many times, the others would love to see the back of him especially Shah Rukh Khan and Priyanka Chopra. All the conspiration against him will result him in getting maximum number of vote-outs but the fans will save him so many times that he will stay there right till the end.

2. Shah Rukh Khan in Bigg boss

King Khan will become the captain of the house many times. He will be the on-the-house entertainer of Bigg Boss house, singing, dancing, making the women break into peals of laughter with his wicked humor. He will plan grandiose parties in the house, discuss everything under the sun, use unmentionable language that will beeped very often. All in all,  Shah Rukh will charm everyone in the house and get along with everyone except Salman Khan. The unspoken thing in the House, will be the division of the Bigg Boss house into two groups, with some of them warming up to Shah Rukh and the others clamoring around Salman.

3. Kareena Kapoor in Bigg Boss

Kareena Kapoor will take pains to appear presentable, she will discuss her roles in the movies, how she improved upon a shot in Jab We Met, and the others will be either bored or pretend to be interested. Kareena will gossip a lot about others and would tell them that no matter what they do, they can never be a Kareena Kapoor and the other girls will look up and roll their eyes in amusement.

Kareena will miss Saif sorely and request Bigg Boss in the confession room for a chance to talk to him. Bigg Boss will just say ‘ Aap Jaa Saktey Hain’ to a saddened Kapoor. She will be ecstatic when her Saifu comes in the house through a wild card entry and stays as guest for a couple of days. Though Kareena would  try to steer clear off any clashes, she will end up having quite a few showdowns with a certain Priyanka Chopra.

Akshay Kumar will step in to stop, only to be snubbed by Priyanka. Ranbir will also step in to avert the fight only to be stopped by Kareena Kapoor. Finally, the Bigg boss camera will take its focus away from the ah-so usual catfights that they have and train its camera on the other hottie Katrina Kaif cosying up with Ranbir Kapoor.

4. Katrina Kaif in Bigg Boss

 Katrina Kaif will be penalized time and again by Bigg Boss for not speaking in Hindi. She will try to sneak some words in English or remove the mike and talking in English. Fed up, Bigg Boss will send Katrina to jail with Salman Khan who is a regular there. Sallu and Katrina would rekindle their romance in the jail and the cute chemistry between the two would have the viewers yearning for more. Bigg Boss will have no complains and will make sure that they remained jail for every little fault, for the sake of better TRPs.

The diplomatic that she is, Katrina will try to make everyone feel good in the house including her ‘good friend’ Ranbir who will look for excuses to flirt with her in the kitchen, the garden, the bathroom, the hall, everywhere without the exception of the gym area, where Salman resides. Katrina would enjoy Salman’s company more and would always go to him for advice and tips because she has one thing very clear in her mind-‘Katrina has to win Bigg Boss’. Sallu who does not care much about winning and has just come to have a great time, will be happy to provide lip service to his lady love; he will tell Katrina to be wary of one person -Shah Rukh Khan. ‘Nautanki saala’ Sallu will mutter and Katrina will tell him to behave himself. The girl will play her game well and will go all the way to the finals of Bigg Boss.

5. Akshay Kumar in Bigg Boss

Akshay Kumar will take over the cooking area of Bigg Boss. The women will be flattered and have fun ogling over this guy who is quite a hand at the kitchen. Kareena will brag incessantly about the chemistry she shares with him and how they have worked in six films. The women would surround him, finding one way or the other to talk to him about everything from food to action to his romantic escapades to his amazing good looks that never seems to cease. Akki will never give the answers straight-fashioned and will leave it up to the girls to pick up the versions they want to take. He will confuse the girls more with his devil-meet hyena-meet Jeevan laughter.

Akshay being a true Khiladi will play Bigg Boss well. He will win most of the tasks, motivate his team well and end up as the ‘Badey Dilwala’ of the house. He will be the first one to get up in the morning even before Bigg Boss plays its customary ear-blaring music. In fact, in the confession room, he would ask Bigg Boss to play the songs of his movies as a wakeup alarm and Bigg Boss would rebuke him with the customary ‘Aap Jaa Saktey Hai’ . A few other thoughts will also cross Akshay’s mind. “how can I edit other people’s footage and let mine get more attention?” But then he will not be able to do much about it.

Women will feel protected and protective about Akki; they would not vote him out except a certain Priyanka Chopra who would be uncomfortable in his presence. The others will keep on guessing why both these two ever-laughing folks avoid each other. Tongues would start wagging and plans would be made to set both of them up with each other. Finally, Priyanka and Akki will start talking to each other, the normal communicative range extending beyond a ‘hi’ and stopping before ‘Nice day eh?’. Before they get to talk the way normal humans do, the show would draw towards the close and one of them would be out of the house.

6. Ranbir Kapoor in Bigg Boss house

Ranbir Kapoor will have a tough time in Bigg Boss house with three ex-flames in the house and all three not really having high regards for him. Sonam Kapoor will leave no room to taunt him, reiterating to the other girls in the house that he does not really look that hot without clothes. Deepika will join in the laughter and said that she was right when she said he should endorse a condom ad.

Katrina Kaif will feel uncomfortable with all the rubbish talk and walk away, again to Salman for another round of advice.. Kareena Kapoor will have a showdown with Sonam Kapoor and tell her to shut her mouth and not say a word against her cousin. Sonam wil shrug and continue with her tirade against her favorite punching bag.

As days pass, Ranbir will try his best to make peace with the girls. Sonam will not be interested, Deepika will befriend him again and Katrina Kaif will be confused yet again-Salman or Ranbir.

Ranbir will try to make the other girls jealous in the middle of the show and try to hit on Priyanka Chopra who prances around in butt hugging short pants in the room. One night Ranbir will find Priyanka all alone and try his best to get mushy with her. He will hold her close and try to say sweet-nothings in her ears and she will giggle. But her giggle will be short-lived and amplified instead, to a high pitched cry of excitement when she will hear Shah Rukh’s voice at the door asking if there is a bandaid in the house as he got a cut in his finger. Priyanka will exclaim, "Oh my god, Shah Rukh got a cut. Just a moment, Ranbir." And that will be the last he sees of Priyanka in the show.

7. Priyanka Chopra in Bigg Boss

 Priyanka Chopra though bubbly by nature, will find herself in an unfriendly situation when she has to live with the likes of Kareena, Salman and Akshay in the Bigg Boss house. She will consciously avoid Sonam because you never know what comes from her mouth. Priyanka will all the time, be with Shah Rukh, accompanying him everywhere. She will strike a conversation from the outside even when he is in the loo. She will be besotted by him and laugh like a child when he talks about various things and people in a humorous vein.

Meanwhile, the other girls will bitch about Priyanka and how she is always trying to get more mileage from SRK. Once she is aware of the ‘negative energy’ in the house, she will express her discomfort to Shah Rukh who will tell her to do what she feels and not care about what others say. Priyanka will consciously avoid voting out Shah Rukh and vote out Akshay, Kareena, Ranbir etc. Apart from her Shah Rukh fetish, Priyanka will excel in every task and will be the giggly and the most talkative person in the house.

The house will be continuously filled with two kinds of female noises-one from Sonam and other from Priyanka. In a weird situation put by Bigg Boss in which she is made a part of the team opposite Shah Rukh’s, she will root for King Khan cheering him, leaving everyone puzzled. So much that the omnipresent creature on the treadmill , Salman, may call out to Priyanka, “Madam, yeh Mannat nahin hain, Bigg Boss ka ghar hain”

8. Sonam Kapoor in Bigg Boss

 Sonam Kapoor will be in a somber mood when she enters the house. She will miss her books, her wardrobe but still her suitcase will carry the best clothes. Even the night-gap gown that she wears at bed will be cut above what the rest wear. Sonam would flutter like a bird, trying her best to talk to everyone with the exception of Ranbir Kapoor. People in the house would ask her why is she trying to be such a monster with Ranbir . She will blurt out”First let him say ‘sorry’, then I will think” Finally, she will patch up with the young Kapoor too.

Most of the time, Sonam will be giving fashion tips to the ever interested girls. Her bonding with Deepika will go to another level and the two girls will gang up together to play pranks on others. But then all the talking will be misconstrued as bitching and Sonam will find herself in a situation when she will be facing eviction any time soon.

9. Deepika Padukone in Bigg Boss

- Deepika Padukone will be an eye-candy in the house, she would strut her stuff in short hot pants most of the time. With two girls Priyanka and Deepika discreetly competing with each other for the male gaze, undulating their hips and showing off their long shapely legs, testosterone levels in the house will be at an all time high. But Deepika will play the game well, she will use her mind and apply tact , all the time ensuring that she does not antagonize anyone. She will not speak out of turn, speaking only when spoken to and express her views clearly and forthrightly without ruffling feathers.

Just like Akshay Kumar, Deepika Padukone will be a fitness freak. In fact most of the time, Akshay, Deepika and Salman will be in the garden area or gym doing their exercises. Gradually, the three share will have great bonding and tuning among themselves, even making a pact that they would not vote each other out. Ranbir will try and vie for Deepika’s attention, she will fall for it once and then remind herself and him, that she has moved on. She will also feel envious that Kareena got to meet her beau Saif through guest wild card entry and ask Bigg Boss, if Siddarth Mallya could be in the show. Bigg Boss will comply and Ranbir will get back to wooing Katrina Kaif.

10.Aamir Khan in Bigg Boss

Aamir Khan will enter the Bigg Boss house after 3 weeks because he is still not sure whether it is the right platform for him. Once in the house, he will strike a great rapport with his ol’ buddy Salman Khan. The women in the house will devise their own private game plans musing not just about which Khan is more charming but also about which Khan they should pair with onscreen, once out of the house. Aamir will never falter in the house; he will take the lead in directing the acts and tasks on the show. He will even give tips to Bigg Boss on how he could make his voice more authoritative and how the interiors could have been done better.

11. Vidya Balan in Bigg Boss

- Vidya Balan will be mostly in the kitchen, preparing dishes and giving tips to people on how they could solve their issues and problems. She will be the go-to girl; they will either come to her for giving tips or taking free advice. Sonam will come to her frequently to give tips on improving her dress sense, Deepika and Katrina Kaif will be interested in knowing how she manages to choose such good scripts. Priyanka will give her tips on how she could slim down more. Vidya will try her best to talk to her crush Shah Rukh, a move that will always defeated by Priyanka. At one point of time, Vidya will even pass a sarcastic comment "I know Shah Rukh Khan well. He misses his computer. But he doesn’t mind, he is on his PC anyway".

12. Amitabh Bachchan in Bigg Boss

-Big B or the Big Boss of Bollywood, Amitabh Bachchan will be the most respected member of the house. Akshay Kumar and he will be the early birds of the house, getting up before alarm. He will resolve fights and arguments in his inimitable style. He will sing his father’s poetry, give sound advice and views on life that people will find quite fruitful. Since he always provide some valuable insights and is humble with a capital H, the inmates will try to defend his ouster. He on the other hand, will be worried about his family and his extended family, his blog readers. ‘Gosh, I miss my Twitter and my blog, there is not even a pen to pen my thoughts. Ah sweet memory’ he would voice his sentiment, as he will try to take in every bit of experience he has in the house, with child-like enthusiasm.

At one point in time, Big B will be voted out and the girls will break down only to realize that Bachchan and Bigg Boss were playing a prank. Amitabh will be moved to a secret room from where he could see all the bitching happening, Luckily, he will make a comeback and the fun starts all over again.


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